1) never ever ever pass out at a party if you dont want to spend the next three days washing off the sharpie.
2) the 12 pack beer boxes make good tops and skirts for the fashionable girl
3) everyone has their entire room covered in something at some time as a practical joke; be it post it notes, aluminum foil, leaves, shaving cream, or even fire extinguisher spray...
4) if shes willing, why not show off your girlfriends great boobs?
5) webcams can fit in small places
6) when it snows, its a given to see at least three individual pieces of snow genitalia on your way from one place to another
7) parties are no fun without nudity
8) objects that are made for educational purposes often find themselves propping up more practical things
9) t shirts with profanity are all the rage
10) street signs can say anything when you know your way around photoshop
11) fire isn't dangerous...its entertainment. especially when you add really flammable stuff to it.
12) bulletin boards dont only advertise tutors and room vacancies.
13) beer is up there with oxygen, sleep and sex.
14) class is optional. especially when you get to blow something up.
15) 69, oh thats that number right before 70 right?
16) say penis and everyone laughs. especially when theyve had too much to drink. what am i saying, everyones had way too much to drink.
17) so a priest and a rabbi can make just about anything sound really really dumb. until you're really really high.
18) every girl you have sex with is one you dont tell your friends about. cuz then you might find out ow many of them have had her already.
19) always have a camera.
20) scanners can show just about anything. even boobs and weed. even together.
21) anything with a tube can be a bong. even nintendo controllers.
22) puke is bad but you still click on the link that says "warning: really gross"
23) anything to kill time is better than class. even mind rotting games like dope farmer.
24) warning people to 1000% is cool, but leaving your screen name up for thousands to see and having your away messages completely spammed by crowds of people showing their admiration is way cooler.
25) if you dont have a video camera, buy one as soon as possible. some things are just a lot funnier in motion.
26) your hand looks better without the ring finger, honest.
27) stealing stuff isnt wrong, its thrifty. its even easier when the university police are afraid of you.
28) rearranging the letters in signs is so much fun that you have to get a picture.
29) POSTED: NO TRESPASSING> they dont really mean it, do they? nah.
30) bush really does look like that chimp. that one too.
31) its worth the bites and scratches to make animals look like they're smoking. honest.
32) women dont buy thongs unless they want them to be seen. all that about them being to decrease panty lines? thats like telling me those long vibrating things in the cheap discount magazines are actually for your neck and shoulders. give me a break.
33) if a girl leaves any item of lingerie at your place, it becomes sole property of YOU.
34) watch south park for the answers to all of your questions.
35) you should be an artist, with all the murals you make form your beer bottle caps, your beer bottle labels, your beer boxes, your beer thats gone through your system that eventually writes your name in the snow...
36) couches and beds? FUTON, man. FUTON. its like the peanut butter and the jelly in the same jar, except it probably doesnt taste as bad.
37) God bless the internet.
38) Theres bad hangovers, then theres BAD HANGOVERS. you know the kind where you dont wake up until next week. or at all.. yea those are the bad kind.
39) Jello in the toilet. Why didnt i think of that?
40) dont do something stupid on camera because someone will make a dumb mastercard mocking add and whatever you do will be priceless.
41) theres never a limit to te ways you can insult a terrorist.
42) having a penis drawn on your face isnt so bad. its bad when you dont know you have a penis drawn on your face.
43) people arent being creative enough with duct tape. tying people up in their beds is only so funny.
44) you black out peoples eyes like anyone who knows them couldnt figure it out; and that anyone who doesnt know them would care.
45) girls kissing each other will never, i repeat, never grow old. its a thing of beauty.
46) porn makes good wallpaper until your parents come to visit.
47) Homer Simpson is much smarter than any profesor.
48) You know that had to hurt.
49) that sound? must be your roommate doin it when you havent had any in a few weeks. oh well, might as well go out and get drunk. at least you dont have to listen to your roommate havin fun.
50) Why do today what you can put off till tomorrow? or the next day? ok seriously, we know you arent gonna do it so dont waste your time wondering if you should. just hit the "fuck it" button and move on.

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